She reports she had a good time too.
Her parents gave her this trip as a graduation present. She just finished EMT training. Since she is getting married the day after Thanksgiving, she chose to hold off getting a job until after the honeymoon. She and her husband-to-be will be settling up around San Francisco. It made sense for her to use this little time off for a trip or something. She chose Korea as a destination in order to spend time with her best friend Sumi and Sumi's husband, Stuart, who is currently stationed over in Korea with the US military. Stuart is the best friend of Sumi's twin brother, Philbin. Blain-and-Sumi-and-Stuart-and-Philbin have all been friend's together since kindergarten. After high school Stuart joined the military. He and Sumi began to get interested in each other while he was home on leave. They got married not too long ago. Since Sumi (and Philbin) have a Korean heritage (they came to the USA as babies with their parents), Sumi was glad to find out that Stuart could get family housing near the base so she could join him over in the country of her roots.
Sumi has consented to the posting of some e-mail that has gone back and forth between us. She did this in case it would be helpful to anyone reading it.
Dear Aunt Sunny,
Thanks for the e-mail. I'm happy to catch you up on my life over here. Nice of you to show an interest. I've been volunteering in a martial arts studio. As you know I have black belts in Takwondo and Hapkido, and have instructed previously in my dad's school. It is a good way for me to keep up my skills, and will look good on my resume. You know my goal is to open my own studio someday. I really enjoy the kids. I've been able to make friends with quite of few of their parents too. Luckily my Korean is good enough to communicate pretty well. I'm picking up a lot more of the language living here too, of course. Two of my friends are actually Western women. One is from America and one is from Canada. They are both English teachers over here. Both of them have Korean husbands and "fusion" kids. I keep getting asked why I don't teach English too. Well, for one thing, my interest is in teaching Takwondo. Anyway,I don't have a college degree so am not eligible. The Korean government requires foreign English teachers to be college graduates. Don't tell this to my parents please. I can hear it now, "See, we told you the lack of higher education would close certain doors for you." They want me to come home and go to school when Stuart gets shipped out of here in January.
Aunt Sunny, I wanted to ask your opinion about something. A lot of my friends here talk about "the mother-in-law problem". It seems that some Korean mother's act in a mean-hearted way to their son's wives. Or, kind of difficult at best. I try to be fair and see both sides, but, some of the stories they tell are mind-boggling. This does not seem to be a universal problem, but, pretty common. Even my Western friends have noticed it. What do you think about this issue?
Sweetest Sumi!
It sounds like you are having a very interesting time in Korea and are fully aware of what a special opportunity it is. I am so glad you can be with Stuart. Please tell him we are all thinking of him and appreciate his service to his country. I am happy to hear that you are able to find a way to use this time to further your life plans while you are there. As far as returning to school, why don't you just keep your options open. You don't have to make any decisions yet. How wonderful that you are having a chance to make friends. I'm sure it is a good experience for both you and the other ladies.
That's too bad that your friends are experiencing these difficulties. I do not question their assessment of their "mother-in-law" problem at all. If that many of them are complaining of it, it must be real. At least they have you to confide in. I would suggest to them to remember that if someone treats you badly, it should not be taken personally. The bad behavior is a reflection on the person who is behaving badly rather than the person they are directing the behavior towards. Of course, it takes a great deal of emotional maturity and self-confidence to not react in a less than constructive way. Studies have shown that our self-worth is wrapped up in how others treat us. This is unfortunate. Because, if someone treats us nicely, it does not mean we are a swell person, rather it means the other person is nice. Conversely, if someone treats us meanly, it does not mean we deserve that treatment. It simply means the other person is a meanie.
As Mama Bird once noticed, "When someone storms out of a room it has little to do with what is going on in the room, but mostly to do with what is going on in the stormer's head." This sounds about right, because, if it really had to do with what was going on in the room, wouldn't EVERYBODY storm out? So, maybe if your friends can manage to look at the situation in a rather clinical, almost detached mode, (wondering what on earth must have happened to that poor woman to make her act this way,) it will help them to at least not stoop to that same level. It is possible that the mother-in-law has been treated so poorly herself that she is not well-adjusted enough to realize that she does not have to take it out on some-one. Showing a good example and limit setting might also be appropriate. Consistently kind but firm responses, the same type you'd give a child throwing a tantrum, may go a long way in gaining positive changes.
OK, my well-adjusted little Sumi. If this sounds like a bunch of crock, just tell them not to do anything they'd regret later. Because, sooner or later, we all have to look at ourselves. And we want to be able to like what we see.
Love you.
Aunt Sunny
