A Tale of Two Violets (Actually Three)

My Sweet Blain,

Thank you for sharing your event from work with me. You are right about the medical field being heart-rending yet uplifting at the same time. I admire you EMTs. You are a hero.

To answer your question; yes, you do move on. But, it can be very emotionally draining, and does take something out of you. You must do whatever you can to take care of your "heart" (or mah-eum, as we said in Korea. It doesn't translate into English very well, does it?). I concur that this incident will probably stick in your memory the rest of your life. Some of them do. Others soften over time and congeal into part of all of what makes you who you are.

I'll share a 'soft' story with you.

Unlike Uncle Sunny, with his green thumb, I'm not usually much of a plant person. When the plants see my thumb they worry about gangrene. Don't know what possessed me to buy these African violets recently, since I don't usually have much luck growing things. But, they've done so well, it brings to mind one other time I sort of successfully nurtured a plant.




When I was still a teenager and working as a certified nursing aid, I took care of one dying lady who was almost comatose and had no visitors that I ever noticed. But, someone had cared about her enough to leave her what turned into the most lovely African violet plant that I had ever seen. It was a little scraggly at first, but, it had ruffly edges and was white-rimmed-in-purple, (or maybe it was purple, rimmed in white).

Since I was not one of the registered nurses yet, I could not give the poor woman pain-controlling medications, or make any but the most routine of the decisions regarding her care. But, I could do one extra thing for her, and that was to take special care of her flowering plant. I knew nothing about the care of African violets. So, I just sort of adopted it and hovered over it. I made sure it got nothing but filtered sunlight and kept the soil just lightly damp by letting tap water drip on it. I had heard that talking to plants is a bunch of hooey-it is actually just the carbon dioxide being exhaled that helps them. So, I breathed on it briefly whenever I was in her room. And the thing thrived pretty well. Looked stronger each day.

Until I had a couple days off in a row. By the time I got back to work someone had left the poor dear (the plant, not the patient) on the window sill in glaring sunlight and ignored it for what must have been the whole time I was gone. Because it was all pale and washed-out looking. It was also bone dry and wilted. Ah well, by the next day the patient was gone too.

In retrospect, what's interesting about the story, is that according to the instructions that came with my current violet plants (they like full sun and should be kept good and moist by watering them from the bottom of the container), I did everything wrong to take care of the pretty plant. So, why did it do so well? Who knows? I don't even know why my current ones are thriving. But, I'll say one thing, I may have let them get a little dry once (I was out of town, OK?), but, no matter what the "experts" say, these babies will never get faded by exposure to full harsh sunlight. Aren't they looking GREAT!

Tofu BBQ

Blain Dear,

So glad to hear your vegan friends liked the food I sent over to the potluck. Of course, I'll be happy to share how I made it. Just remember to tell them that Aunt Sunny doesn't exactly follow recipes.

Slice a block of extra firm tofu (I like Trader Joe's high protein, organic, super firm).
Make the slices about a fourth of an inch thick.
Brown them in a well oiled frying pan until they are about this brown.



Option: in order to add more flavor (if you don't mind the extra salt), the slices can be marinated for a few minutes in soy sauce with garlic and onion powder in it before frying them.

It takes quite a bit of oil, so drain them on paper towels to get it off after cooking.
I actually put towels under then and on top of them and push a little to kind of squeeze out the excess oil.

Clean the pan (or use a new one) and lightly fry up some strips of pepper, sliced onion and smashed garlic cloves in oil. Note that I used the word "some". The amount you use is per taste. Personally, I like a lot.

To add flavor, you want to lightly salt and pepper (I use white pepper) the vegetables and add "some" garlic and onion powder if desired. Do this before the frying process.

Again, you have to drain this on paper towels to get the oil out. Just watch out for bits of paper towel in the food. To prevent this, I use Viva brand.

Mix the prepared vegetables and tofu with Vegan bar-b-que of your choice. (Bull's Eye brand has no high fructose corn syrup.)

Here is the finished product!

Tastes good on a sandwich.

here you go girls

Here are the directions for making that rice you liked.


Chop up a bell pepper (피망)
And a sweet onion (양파) ,
And fry them in a little cooking oil until soft.

Add a small can of chopped black olives.

Add a few scoops of cooked rice (white, brown, mixed grain--any kind is OK).

Add 'some' shredded chedder (enough to fill a handful 3 or 4 times).

Add enough spaghetti sauce to make the whole mixture red but not soupy.

Cook in the frying pan (I use a wok) a little longer until the cheese is melted and all is hot.

Ready to eat.

Congratulations Blain and Rodney

You crazy kids-calling me from your honeymoon like that! I'm glad you approved of the background music I chose for the reception. Yes, I'll be happy to send you a list of all the songs. However, when you open my gift I think you will understand why I did not think it was not necessary to do that.

Sumi's Story

Blain is back from Korea!

She reports she had a good time too.

Her parents gave her this trip as a graduation present. She just finished EMT training. Since she is getting married the day after Thanksgiving, she chose to hold off getting a job until after the honeymoon. She and her husband-to-be will be settling up around San Francisco. It made sense for her to use this little time off for a trip or something. She chose Korea as a destination in order to spend time with her best friend Sumi and Sumi's husband, Stuart, who is currently stationed over in Korea with the US military. Stuart is the best friend of Sumi's twin brother, Philbin. Blain-and-Sumi-and-Stuart-and-Philbin have all been friend's together since kindergarten. After high school Stuart joined the military. He and Sumi began to get interested in each other while he was home on leave. They got married not too long ago. Since Sumi (and Philbin) have a Korean heritage (they came to the USA as babies with their parents), Sumi was glad to find out that Stuart could get family housing near the base so she could join him over in the country of her roots.

Sumi has consented to the posting of some e-mail that has gone back and forth between us. She did this in case it would be helpful to anyone reading it.

Dear Aunt Sunny,


Thanks for the e-mail. I'm happy to catch you up on my life over here. Nice of you to show an interest. I've been volunteering in a martial arts studio. As you know I have black belts in Takwondo and Hapkido, and have instructed previously in my dad's school. It is a good way for me to keep up my skills, and will look good on my resume. You know my goal is to open my own studio someday. I really enjoy the kids. I've been able to make friends with quite of few of their parents too. Luckily my Korean is good enough to communicate pretty well. I'm picking up a lot more of the language living here too, of course. Two of my friends are actually Western women. One is from America and one is from Canada. They are both English teachers over here. Both of them have Korean husbands and "fusion" kids. I keep getting asked why I don't teach English too. Well, for one thing, my interest is in teaching Takwondo. Anyway,I don't have a college degree so am not eligible. The Korean government requires foreign English teachers to be college graduates. Don't tell this to my parents please. I can hear it now, "See, we told you the lack of higher education would close certain doors for you." They want me to come home and go to school when Stuart gets shipped out of here in January.


Aunt Sunny, I wanted to ask your opinion about something. A lot of my friends here talk about "the mother-in-law problem". It seems that some Korean mother's act in a mean-hearted way to their son's wives. Or, kind of difficult at best. I try to be fair and see both sides, but, some of the stories they tell are mind-boggling. This does not seem to be a universal problem, but, pretty common. Even my Western friends have noticed it. What do you think about this issue?






Sweetest Sumi!


It sounds like you are having a very interesting time in Korea and are fully aware of what a special opportunity it is. I am so glad you can be with Stuart. Please tell him we are all thinking of him and appreciate his service to his country. I am happy to hear that you are able to find a way to use this time to further your life plans while you are there. As far as returning to school, why don't you just keep your options open. You don't have to make any decisions yet. How wonderful that you are having a chance to make friends. I'm sure it is a good experience for both you and the other ladies.

That's too bad that your friends are experiencing these difficulties. I do not question their assessment of their "mother-in-law" problem at all. If that many of them are complaining of it, it must be real. At least they have you to confide in. I would suggest to them to remember that if someone treats you badly, it should not be taken personally. The bad behavior is a reflection on the person who is behaving badly rather than the person they are directing the behavior towards. Of course, it takes a great deal of emotional maturity and self-confidence to not react in a less than constructive way. Studies have shown that our self-worth is wrapped up in how others treat us. This is unfortunate. Because, if someone treats us nicely, it does not mean we are a swell person, rather it means the other person is nice. Conversely, if someone treats us meanly, it does not mean we deserve that treatment. It simply means the other person is a meanie.

As Mama Bird once noticed, "When someone storms out of a room it has little to do with what is going on in the room, but mostly to do with what is going on in the stormer's head." This sounds about right, because, if it really had to do with what was going on in the room, wouldn't EVERYBODY storm out? So, maybe if your friends can manage to look at the situation in a rather clinical, almost detached mode, (wondering what on earth must have happened to that poor woman to make her act this way,) it will help them to at least not stoop to that same level. It is possible that the mother-in-law has been treated so poorly herself that she is not well-adjusted enough to realize that she does not have to take it out on some-one. Showing a good example and limit setting might also be appropriate. Consistently kind but firm responses, the same type you'd give a child throwing a tantrum, may go a long way in gaining positive changes.

OK, my well-adjusted little Sumi. If this sounds like a bunch of crock, just tell them not to do anything they'd regret later. Because, sooner or later, we all have to look at ourselves. And we want to be able to like what we see.

Love you.

Aunt Sunny

Guest Blogging at Sunny's

Name: Rodney Lander Browningham

There is a story behind that name. In the Browningham family the first son gets his father's middle name as a first name and the middle name is his mother's maiden name.
My father is Brian Rodney Browningham
My grandfather is Simpson Brian Browningham
Greatgrandfather is DuPree Simpson Browningham
Great great grandfather Spock DuPree Browningham

My dad and I got off easy compared to some of them!

Location: Bay area
I transferred here from NYC earlier this year "to be nearer to family." That would be my grandparents since the rest of my family resides in Australia. But the real reason I'm here instead of there is to be nearer to the woman I hope will be my future family-Blain Olivia Bodine.

Occupation: Statistician

Industry: Insurance

Marital Status: In a relationship - with Blain, aka, "BOB" (her initials-which will hopefully never change. If she marries me she can be a Bodine or Browningham-doesn't matter to me). You can read all about it over on Sunny's multiply site.

Nationality: USA from birth. Never took on my dad's native Australian citizenship. We moved there when I was 9.

Interests: Chess, Speed Rubic's cubing, Star Wars, Abacus contests, Economics theorists. Lately I have also taken up takwondo and hopkido. I have my own "private tutor" (inside joke).

Who I want to meet: No-one. Have already met the woman of my dreams. Actually I've known Blain all her life. I was 5 when she was born in the house next door to my grandparents. Our two families "go way back" as they say.

I sat up and took notice of her last year when I came home ("HOME" to me will always be California) to my grandparents for Thanksgiving. You should have SEEN the way she stood up to this stalker dude that had been pestering her. She has spunk. The day after Thanksgiving a bunch of us went shopping for early Christmas specials. She was wearing a big hat to disguise her disguise (shaved head) and looked cute as a button. I saw the way her best friend's twin was looking at her and knew I had to make my move while she was still available. She doesn't even know she is pretty. The only reason I can imagine that she hasn't been fighting off the guys all these years is that they are problably all intimidated by her martial arts skills.

This week we'll have been together for one year-together as often as possible with her in Monterey and me in the bay area. But, even when we aren't physically together we talk on the phone and on-line daily. On our one year anniversary I plan to pop the question. Hopefully we can be a REAL family within another year. By then she'll be finished with her EMT training and lisensed to practise in the state of California.

Statistically speaking, we are both a little too young for a serious relationship to last. But, the statistics don't include young people who have known each other for a couple of decades. Besides, I think it is more important to find the right person rather than to be the "right" age.

The only one who has an issue with BOB and me is her brother. He was hoping she'd meet up with some fellow with the name of Clampett and provide a little girl cousin named Elly May for his son Jethro.

So, my readers, if I have any, I'm still open to suggestions as to how to present a most memorable marriage proposal.

Comments are welcome.